Rain Distribution: A Godly Contract

a wonderfully snarky observation about god and droughts

The Accidental Satirist

THIS AGREEMENT is entered into this 10th day of February between God and drought-ridden nations. Nations hereby retain God to use his best efforts to keep all of the countries in the world supplied with enough water for hot showers and things, subject to these terms:
ARTICLE I
OBLIGATIONS OF GOD
1.1. God, in his omnipotence, swears to bring enough rain to the world unless he accidentally brings drought. Noah only fixed the flooding situation. Droughts are totally still a thing.
1.2. God, in his omniscience, swears that if He *does* accidentally bring drought, it’s the nation’s responsibility to pray for rain or else He can’t very well be expected to bring it, now can he?
1.3. Actually, that last clause suggests that God makes mistakes, so scratch that. Where there is drought, God sent it on purpose. Uh. Let’s try again. Where there is drought, it serves as punishment…

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7 thoughts on “Rain Distribution: A Godly Contract

  1. Love it. The rain cycle: lovely rain, wow-lots of rain, flood, go away rain, no rain then too-long-no-rain, drought, sorry for what I said, please come back rain, then ‘is that snow’?

  2. God is from the Pacific Northwest. He created the Columbia river with a generous coastal effect snow pack up into Canada. We have very little water problems. Too many sinners in the SW and they’re paying the price. Prayers for lake mead and Las Vegas. Colorado River people are just fake Christians. God knows your hearts. Shame on you all for allowing so much disobedience.

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