we make an agreement with sorrow

I just buried my oldest kitty. Even though I’m an atheist, I wrapped her in white linen and tucked a few toys in with her. One can always indulge in thinking that there is a less than omnipotent goddess Sekhmet looking after my furry companions. What could be better, cats and drinking beer with a feisty cat goddess. 🙂   It’s also a damn shame that I can’t trade in one useless human, or ten, for more years with her.

Love is inextricably linked with sorrow, because we are going to die and lose someone or be lost to them. This is why one should take every moment and make that love worth that coin in sorrow that you are going to pay.

We all make that bargain with our love of our critters and oh, how it hurts when it comes due.

Goodbye, Muffin, my little friend. I found you as a kitten in my backyard a little over 15 years ago, the size of my hand. You are back there again, where I can sit and remember you. Including the scars you gave me repeatedly because you had no interest in going to the vet.  She was the most ferocious of all of our kitties, the only one we gave a “cute” name. I used Peaceful Pet Passage, an in-home euthanasia service here in central PA. They were kind as they took care of her.

15 thoughts on “we make an agreement with sorrow

  1. I’m so, so sorry Val. It is the hardest of all things. I know. We lost Brother 4 months ago and I’m still shattered. I’ll charge a glass to Muffin, friend and companion.


      1. It does. Brother is everywhere. Technically, he’s now inside a banana leaf box, on a shelf, with some soil and seeds waiting to be planted. But… I can’t bring myself to take him on that last walk up into the hills. So, for now, he’s just going to stay on the shelf.

        He took himself out. It all happened really quickly, and in the end, when we got wind somethign wasn’t right, there was simply nothing we could do. He died in my arms at 5am in the 24hr emergency hospital. I say that because I cannot even begin to imagine what it’s going to be like to have to do what you did: chose the time. Saying to you “it must have been the hardest thing” is redundant. There’s really only one word: shattered. But I’m sure if Muffin could have spoken, she would have said, “Thank you, for everything.”


  2. My condolences to you. Indeed, when we allow ourselves to love, we invite both happiness and sorrow into our hearts. Yet we do it intentionally, knowing, and in most cases would repeat the happiness if we could.


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