What the Boss Likes – and doesn’t like and has to deal with

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I’ve had my world rocked a bit lately.  I had suspected I would show up on the autism spectrum for quite a few years.   I just got confirmed on that by my therapist after a bunch of tests.  They also said that I also am very likely to have the inattentive version of ADHD, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.  That’s what I wasn’t prepared for or even considered.  Now, looking at information about ADHD, I’m seeing my entire life explained.  (memes at the bottom if you just want those)

This has ripped open a lot of memories and a lot of emotions, mostly regret and anger, which is, gee, also part of both.  There is also the realization that these disorders are also very different and often pull me between them.  

Having a diagnosis does make me feel better in some ways, knowing that this isn’t some moral or character failure.  Biology can be a bitch.  However, being human, I get to go through the various stages of grief.  There is a lot of hate and rage, now crystalized cold and hard, for those who failed me.  That might thaw at some point, but not now.  

There is a lot of “what if” that is circling in my head along with a lot of resignation. I’m 60 and *now* is when I find out?  If I would have known, what would I have done differently?  Could I have done anything differently?  What parts of me are in response to what?  I’m highly sensitive but is that from either disorder or a coping mechanism?  I have anxiety but again, what role does that play?  I’m INTJ, which, if you think that the Meyers Briggs tests are valid, adds a whole other layer onto things.  And being “gifted”, well intellect can compensate sometimes, but not all. 

So, as I work through this, you may see me do deep dives into various things since that’s how I process things.  If you also have these, please do share.  I’m trying to see how things work out.  

Ah, well, my cats like when I pet them, which I’m guessing is quite a lot of stimming.  

Screenshot
Asajj Ventress from Star Wars animateds

I always forget how much I like this movie.
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Published by clubschadenfreude

intelligent, female, atheist, science fiction fan, great cook, excellent alewife, cat lover

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11 thoughts on “What the Boss Likes – and doesn’t like and has to deal with”

  1. Check out Peter Shankman on Instagram or LinkeIn He’s author of “Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain.” Seriously spicy, crazy smart, and has always reacted/replied to my comments despite his bazillion followers.

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  2. I am none of those that I am aware of.

    However, a few years ago, I self-diagnosed as dyslexic after taking every test I could find. It is good to know now because it explains so very much of what happened to me, and the shit that I had to deal with growing up and throughout my life.

    Knowing now changes nothing at this time in my life, but now I know why life was as it was. I can also accept certain things about me being me. 🙂

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  3. Hi Club! I’m 67 and when I was about 60, I, too, was diagnosed as having autism. I was shocked, mainly because I thought it would be ADHD.

    I had some emotions over it, but I had one big thing different. I have moderate to severe fibromyalgia. While the autism caused me some school problems (anxiety, although I did well) the physical health issues blasted all my plans and dreams away then.

    I hope going forward, you find out some interesting things that give you more comfort. ❤ ❤

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    1. hey, two peas in a pod. Fibromyalgia must be so difficult. I’m just ridiculously stiff in the joints.

      and oh, I always find interesting things. my husband can tell you that with the piles of projects I have. I did find it interesting (heh) that my brain is more triggered by interest rather than importance, punishment/reward, etc.

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  5. I was diagnosed as on the “spectrum” back when I was 12, although they called it “Aspergers” back then. Later on I was also diagnosed with ADHD. I know how you feel. At the time, it really upset me and threw me off mentally. Perhaps it was an age thing but I didn’t want to be seen as different. Although back then, being on the spectrum was much less accepted and recognised than it is now. On the plus side, you hopefully have some answers now, and you will adjust to knowing, but it may take some time.

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